Episode 20 - How to cope when siblings are cooped up together
Did you know that on average 3-7 year old siblings argue 3 1/2 times an hour, spending about 10 minutes every hour arguing? Given that we’ve all been cooped up together for a while now it may feel even more than that! With different ages and different temperaments all vying for parental attention, not to mention time on scarce devices it might be getting a little tense at home. It may feel like a pressure cooker in your house as the kids start fighting over who’s going to be in charge of the remote control , who gets the laptop first and whose turn it is to take out the rubbish -no surprise if your buttons are getting pushed!
We are all getting triggered by less these days and feeling pretty grumpy sometimes as so much feels beyond our control. And that’s just the adults. Kids are still learning how to get their needs met without attacking each other. It can be really upsetting if the kids are constantly arguing, bickering, calling each other names and fighting over possessions and even more so now when you are juggling working from home and sharing confined space 24/7. But the good news is that there are some things you can do to promote sibling friendliness and effective ways of teaching kids when things go wrong that don’t involve taking sides and punishing.
Listen to this episode if you want to learn:
Why siblings fight and how stress can impact on sibling relationships
How holding an Extraordinary Family Meeting can help family members to voice their feelings and identify trigger points for each of them (click here for a free download of an invitation to an EFM)
How building quiet time into schedules and having quiet zones can help siblings have some space away from each other
Why it is important to keep contact with friends and wider family using technology and how to make such interactions work for younger children
What role rules may have in passing on your values about family interactions and avoiding conflicts over possessions and shared resources
How adult modelling around respectful communication and dealing with conflict is so crucial. No pressure then!
How acknowledging a child’s feelings can help avoid battles with siblings in the first place and if they do come into conflict help the children to resolve things themselves
How appreciating each child uniquely is so important for building self-esteem (and when children feel good about themselves fighting is less likely) and making them aware of how much you value them (so they don’t think you love their sibling more than them). Some examples of descriptive praise:
Thank you so much Hannah for taking Charlotte out in the garden to let me get on with my work. That was so helpful.
I see you’ve put the jigsaw puzzle away really carefully Tom. There’s nothing worse than spending hours on a puzzle and then finding there’s one piece missing. You were really careful to put each little piece back in the box.
I know Harvey’s not really big enough to join in your dinosaur game Alex but it was kind of you to let him hold the tyrannosaurus for a bit. He loved it when you roared at him.
About the importance of Special Time with each child alone. Use this time to connect with them and give them undivided attention
How making time with all the children together doing an activity they all enjoy can be used to help them see the fun in having siblings and to teach them important social skills, such as how to work through differences.
What to do if kids do fight. Top tip: don’t punish them.
In this time of difficulty we feel we need to celebrate the surprising uplifting moments (SUMs) we come across so we highlight some positive things that have happened lately. We recommend you do this with your children. Maybe help them to see some SUMs about their siblings!
Please let us know what topics you’d like us to cover on this podcast by emailing elaine@theparentpractice.com
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