mental health sport — Father and Son - Mental Health

The inspiring story of Connor aged 23, and his answer to good mental health

I’m not a mental health professional, and yet in my role as a parenting coach, I come across parents who are really struggling to access my parenting tool kit and stay calm in the moment, and sometimes that’s because they’re unable to take care of themselves and their needs.

Taking good care of ourselves, our physical and mental health, is not being selfish or self indulgent – it is taking care of our needs so that we are better equipped to support our families. Try thinking of it as on-going professional development for your job as a parent. If you’re in doubt, remember what’s said on air planes when they review the safety procedures: in the event of an emergency, air masks will drop from overhead. If you are travelling with a small child fit your own mask first. An unconscious parent can’t help their child.

When you’re physically or emotionally depleted, you’re bound to behave in ways or say things you regret later. Your ability to understand and to reflect critically diminishes drastically when you’re stressed. You can’t remain calm in the face of ‘mis’behaviour, and you’re unlikely to look past the behaviour to see what’s behind it. You can’t show empathy, and you can’t see the positives. You’re much more likely to shout and have knee-jerk reactions.

Moreover, when we lose control of the situation, it has a negative impact on our children. They may learn what provokes us and use that to push our buttons later on, or they may come to fear us and feel let down by our negative behaviour. They may also come to model their own behaviour on what they see from us.

However, in order to take care of yourself, sometimes you need to admit you need help and support, and that takes maturity, high EQ, resilience and above all courage.

Which makes the story I am about to share of a remarkable young man, called Connor, all the more inspiring. He has battled mental health issues throughout his teen and young adult years, and in a quest to promote a positive mindset, he finds his answer in exercise. Not the odd 5km parkrun or a cycle round Richmond Park for this young man, but extreme endurance tests, which involved recently the toughest footrace on the planet -the Marathon de Sables. I really hope his story can influence others to seek solutions and seeing it’s ok to ask for help.

My name is Connor Kelly, a 2021 graduate from the University of Edinburgh. Whilst I hold fond memories of my time at university the four years presented numerous challenges. Myself and many of my friends had experienced a form of mental health issue, whether that be anxiety, depression or an eating related disorder. In light of this experience, I conducted research online to see if there were resources to help.

I fortunately came across the Charlie Waller Trust who specialise in educating young people about their mental health. From there my journey began.

My mission was simple- to stress the importance of exercise for promoting positive states of mental health and wellbeing in whatever form that movement takes!

In 2021 I set off on a solo cycling expedition which I titled One man and his Bike. I set off on world mental health day in October from the foot of the Eiffel Tower. 55 days, 4000km and 8 countries later I arrived at the Hagia Sofia Mosque in Istanbul. It was a truly life changing experience. In the process I was able to champion the Trust's message and raise £55,000.

This year, 2023, to mark the 25th year of the Trust's work, I decided again to devote my time to support their mission before starting a graduate programme in September. From November 2022-November 2023 I have set myself the challenge of running 15 marathons in some of the world's most unique and extreme locations to reflect the 15 suicides a day in England and Wales in 2021. I have called this challenge The Journey.

I have run marathons in Lake Bled in Slovenia, Salalah in Oman, Amsterdam, Dead Sea in Israel, Rome, Paris and most recently completed the world’s toughest footrace- Marathon des Sables. There are still four more marathons to go! I am extremely proud to have raised £70,000 for the Trust since graduating from University.

However, what these challenges have enabled me to do is continue to raise awareness for an issue that is incredibly profound in young people. I wanted to inspire, to encourage and offer my own experience to hopefully assist others through their own battles.

Fundamentally my mission aligns closely with that of the Charlie Waller Trust - to open the conversation surrounding mental health so nobody must suffer in silence. The Journey is far from complete with marathons in the Caribbean, the Arctic, London and one more surprise marathon still to come.....Watch this space!

The dedication, focus, and resilience Connor shows is inspiring, but the most significant character traits he has are maturity and courage. To give up the perils of perfectionism, to admit openly and honestly the things he struggles with, and to do so with no fear of judgment, shows a young man with extraordinary emotional Intelligence, something many have yet to develop.

It’s funny how things align, as I have been thinking much about young people’s mental health, and looking for a charity to partner with. Amazingly my daughter’s former house mistress now works for Charlie Waller Trust, and when I heard Connor’s story and the fact he was fundraising for the trust, I realised I’d found my charity.

So if you feel willing/able/moved by Connor’s story, you can support him and others on The Journey.

Charlie Waller Trust -Donate to support us (charliewaller.org)