How to support your teens during exam revision
Tired Studying Teen
As many parents and teens head into the final stretch of GSCE and A level exam preparations, the key message is Don't Stress! This is so easy to say, but hard to do especially as children approach what may be for some the end of their school lives. I know many parents report it feels like treading on egg shells, and even with all your preparations, your child will probably be feeling worried, maybe overwhelmed, and at times angry, so it may feel like a never ending emotional roller coaster ride.
This is the real thing; they know it matters and they need scaffolding at this critical time, to keep them calm and productive.
The key is to plan a mix of revision time and leisure time. It's vital to have some 'down-time' to look forward to and to not feel guilty about it. Work out a timetable of revision, in a quiet space and ensure plenty of breaks, healthy snacks and use descriptive praise to motivate your child.
Here are some quick reminders and tips, to help keep them calm:
Start preparations early, as early as you can.
Ensure they have the right tools for the job, so it may mean buying some new pens, highlighter pens and folders.
Have a space dedicated to exam revision which is quiet, and distractions minimised,
i.e. uncluttered and somewhere where they won’t be interrupted. Ideally this should not be at the table where you eat. Try and make home life as calm as possible and if you can help by keeping younger children entertained elsewhere for a few hours that can help.
Break tasks and study sessions down into smaller components.
Work for no more than 25 minutes and then take a 5 minute walking around break. The Pomodoro technique can be very useful to help keep them on task for concentrated periods. Using the Pomodoro method, you break your workday into 25-minute focus periods followed by five-minute breaks. Each of these focus periods plus a break period is called a Pomodoro—after the tomato-shaped timer first used to test the method.
If revising AS/A levels, I suggest more than 5 hours of revision a day and no more than 2 hours at one time. Avoid using electronics in the break as this will interfere with their ability to focus on their work.
Make sure their snacks are not sugar-laden.
Keep them well hydrated and encourage your child to join family meals – the break and change of scene will do them good.
Support them emotionally by empathising if they’re finding it difficult.
If they suddenly realise they should have started preparations earlier, resist the temptation to say
“I told you so, if only you’d listened to my words of wisdom”,
and hope that in the process they are learning something for themselves. Instead say something like
“It sounds like you wish you’d got going sooner and now you’re feeling mad at yourself/foolish. Don’t let that feeling get in the way, now you’re ready to work. You’re in the right headspace.”
Don't nag them if they’re not getting down to work as early or as often as you’d like.
Instead agree with them some clear consistent rules for periods away from the study time. Descriptively praise them when they get the books out and when they’re focused. Pop in every now and then to descriptively praise their efforts or any good learning strategies they’re employing, such as using a mind map or cue cards or notes in different colours. Help them to break everything down and break it into those munchable chunks.
Don't bribe them with gifts or money.
This negative pattern implies you don't trust them to work hard and this will in turn impact their self-worth. They need to learn to try their best regardless and will over time learn to feel proud of their work and achievements. The other risk associated with bribing, is what’s called Bribe Inflation. This is a classic example of the ‘if you do X you can have Y’ model, but it involves a loss of parental control, as it puts your child in charge, and doesn’t create that intrinsic motivation.
Try not to catastrophise!
It is essential that younger children facing exams don’t lose their natural love of learning because of pressures to do well in exams. Parents need to expect children to do their best, but if they have put in the effort that is what counts more than the result. This means there should be less attention paid to the result than the child’s preparations.
If your child does do well in a mock exam say, don’t praise them for the result itself and don’t tell them how clever they are. Instead say
“This good mark is the result of all your effort. You spent a lot of time learning these tables/French verbs/preparing for this test/working throughout the year. I really respect how hard you worked. You can feel proud of yourself.”
Remember your biggest priority just now is to keep stress levels down, as if their brain is flooded with cortisol, this will interfere with the higher functioning of the brain and they will not be able to absorb information, and retain facts.
Don't compare them with anyone else ( especially not a sibling).
This always creates more sibling rivalry and can also lower self esteem.
Ensure every day they have a range of leisure/down time activities planned.
Whether going to driving range to hit a few balls; meeting friends for a coffee; going to the cinema one afternoon or evening; going for a bike ride or to the gym. There is time to have this “guilt-free” leisure as long as they plan for it. If not planned, then the chances are they spend time feeling guilty and time worrying that they should be revising and it’s a viscous circle.
Help them have good bedtime habits.
So that they wake up each morning refreshed and ready to go. No caffeine late at night; no electronics in the bedroom not even charging their mobile phone by the bed. Those electromagnetic waves will interfere with sleep patterns! Create positive daily habits of a fresh juice concoction to kick start the morning, and set up a drop zone for phones at bedtime, in a common area away from the bedroom.
And finally take care of yourself as well
Ensure you fill up your own emotional bank account, so you can replenish the key resource you are for your family.
If you’d like to learn about how to connect with your teens and improve relationship quality, take a look at my E Book on Teens -How to Connect and Communicate