The Gender Agenda

Kids doing science experiment

Education  -it’s one of the biggest decisions we will ever make for our children. Little wonder then that the pressure of ‘getting it right’ can feel overwhelming at times. You may have succumbed to buying Baby Einstein products in order to give your child ‘an edge’, or enrolled them in a Mandarin class for that extra-special USP which will set them apart. Then there’s registering your offspring before birth in your school of choice, or you may be feverishly preparing them for the 7-plus or 11-plus exams, believing that their life-long success is dependent on them getting into the best educational establishment. Whatever your approach, there will come a point when you’ll also start thinking about gender, and whether single-sex or co-ed schools are the best route.  

The boys versus girls debate is age-old and shows no sign of going away. But consider whether by adopting a firm stance that one is better than the other, you may fail to see your child as a unique individual and miss out on a school that is suited to your child’s needs, both academically and socially and otherwise. The better question is, how does a particular school treat your individual child?

Opinion amongst educators is much divided with Richard Cairns from Brighton College arguing that single sex schools provide a ‘highly artificial environment’ and Helen Fraser, former CE of The Girls Day School Trust stating “the girls are encouraged to challenge stereotypes, and this is reflected in their choice of subjects. They’re more than twice as likely to take physics, chemistry or engineering at university as girls nationally, and five times more likely to study medicine at degree level.”(Telegraph Jan 2016)

So who is right? The debate is so fierce and divided that you would be forgiven for believing the key to helping our children develop into competent and confident adults is based solely on whether they are in a mixed or single sex school.

My son, who is ADHD and dyslexic, attended a boys’ dyslexia school. The ability to tap into the huge array of creative technical subjects has ensured he entered adult life with a vast array of life skills and an entrepreneurial spirit. My daughter, having been in a girls’ secondary school, found it emotionally intense, with an unhealthy obsession on looks, plus friendship issues were rife.

After declaring she wanted fresh air, fun and to play more golf, I couldn’t disagree. She ended up at a mixed boarding school. Two completely different environments, but both suited to our children’s needs at the time.

 What are the pros and cons?

·       Single sex schools continue to dominate the league table results every year and it seems that free from the distraction of the opposite gender, children are free to concentrate on pure academics. If your child is very academic this may suit them.

·       All-girls schools have a strong track record for what are perceived to be the traditionally ‘masculine’ subjects such as Physics and Advanced Maths, but is this perhaps down to the fact that these schools are highly selective establishments and have the brightest girls?

·       Given the well documented reports of sexual harassment in the workplace with the ‘Me Too’ campaign and the recent revelations through ‘ Everyone’s Invited’ detailing around 3,000 schools that have been named in testimonial reports of abuse and rape culture, it does beg the question, where does this type of institutionalised sexism start?

·       The issues with gender stereotyping and the cultural stereotyping with statements such as “Big boys don’t cry” and “ Be a man”  indicates that this toxic masculinity still abounds in societal norms.

·       However it’s certainly not the norm in Western society for the sexes to be segregated. In the real world being able to connect and communicate, mix with ease and develop mixed gender friendships is a healthy and normal part of life. And sometimes the emotional intensity that comes from needing to manage the ‘Queen Bees and Wannabees’ and negotiating the minefield of girls friendship issues, makes mixed education a blessed relief.

·       Anecdotal evidence tells us that in a mixed classroom, boys tend to dominate discussions, frequently putting themselves forward as leaders in group activities, with girls tending to hold back. If this is not the time and the place to break that glass ceiling then I don’t know when it ever will be. Perhaps the gender stereotyping will only continue as long as single sex schools exist.

Being able to develop mixed gender friendships is a healthy and normal part of life

In recent years there has been a decline in the number of pupils attending single sex schools ( as reported by the Independent Schools Council) and many parents are realising that  they’re building up a whole human being, not just a set of accomplishments or profitable talents.

The key to your children becoming competent and confident young people does not lie solely in which school they attend.  Their future success depends on you helping them have a strong sense of self-worth, a belief that they can better their own performance and teaching your children to be emotionally intelligent. Single Sex and Co Ed schools both have their benefits and the answer lies in matching your child to the best school based on his needs, as opposed to trying to forcing the ‘best’ school onto your child.

 To learn more about how to ensure your children are confident and contented, take a look at our 30 DAYS TO POSITIVE PARENTING course -achievable yet effective, this course is for busy parents who want to change their parenting style with bitesize exercises that are simple yet impactful.