Lockdown Learnings and Character Traits

Girl and her new learnings and character traits amidst lockdown

My Lockdown Learnings and how to help manage parental anxiety

As we come out of lockdown and transition to another new normal, I’m pressing a pause button and reflecting on all my lockdown learnings and they have been plentiful and hugely varied. It’s a great way of taking stock of how life has changed, how you’ve coped and what character traits you’ve displayed. Given 80% of parenting is modelling, you children will have been watching you. Children see. Children do.

Here’s my top discoveries and I really hope this list doesn’t sound like any lockdown cliché!

• I can now make a fabulous banana cake with frosted icing. I’m a creative

• I was furloughed from my own kitchen, as my hubster and kids took over, and I didn’t feel like a failure. I’m good enough

• Working ON my business as opposed to IN my business is so exciting and my creative juices are flowing. I’m open to learning. Always.

• I discovered I am twice exceptional with ADHD! Who knew that? I was taken by complete surprise, and given knowledge is power and I now understand how my brain works, I’m flying. And all I can say for now is there’s definitely going to be a sequel to my book -My Child’s Different and So I am! I’m wired differently

• All the positive parenting skills my hubster and I have developed over the years, ensured our kids entered into lockdown with an open mind, a growth mindset and an ability to adapt and be resilient. It’s probably been the best investment in terms of time we’ve ever made for our family. I’m wise and strong.

• When my former biz partner Melissa and I decided a change was needed, I didn’t shy from some tough decisions and conversations. I’m brave and courageous.

• Spending time as a couple together talking about Act 3 is so worthwhile. Mapping out what we want the future to look like and creating an exciting roadmap. Huge thanks to our friends Judy and Adrian Reith for the most wonderful coaching day last year. All I can say is Montenegro may feature somewhere! I’m an adventurist

• My golf will NOT improve unless I spend time practising. I’m a slow learner in some sports!

• The strength of human spirit is inspiring and the generosity of people is humbling and restores your faith in mankind. I’m inspired ( especially by other parents, our teaching profession and by the unfailing devotion of NHS staff.)

• Open air swimming is invigorating, even if it’s the North Sea -I’m hardy

• However, the thing I’ve loved most about lockdown, is being with my family and realising I feel full up with gratitude. I’m fortunate and very grateful.

I love what Michele Borba says in her book “ Thrivers: The surprising Reason why some kids Struggle and Others Shine”. She says ‘Thrivers are made, not born’, and as parents and educators it is our duty to help our children develop these and other character traits.

So my question to you is what are your lockdown learnings and how are you feeling post lockdown?

What character traits have you modelled to your children?

Is there anything you feel proud of that you have learnt or developed over the pandemic?

However I do recognise it’s harder for some to do this , so if you are feeling a little uncertain or anxious, this is normal and there are things you can do to help yourself.

As we transition finally out of lockdown, it may bring with it even more uncertainty than lockdowns themselves. Even though we can socialise as normal, attend large events and gatherings and go back to workplaces - no-one knows how/if the variants will spread and at least with clear guidelines about the wearing of face masks, everyone knew the rules. Schools and nurseries are meant to all be open again in September as normal, but we all know there’s a possibility that things could change again. No one knows for sure what the future looks like. The only constant in change.

Parents’ level of anxiety will vary according to:

o Temperament (about 25% of us have a gene, dubbed the ‘worrier’ gene, which predisposed us to be more anxious, so don’t beat yourself up if this is you)

o The state of your mental health-if you already have an anxiety condition this will make things harder in some ways, but if you’re being treated you may have some strategies you’re already familiar with

o Whether or not your child or someone else in the family has a medical condition which makes them more vulnerable to Covid-19

o Whether or not anyone in the family has already had the disease

Parents can manage their anxieties by:

o Not worrying about being anxious –it is a perfectly healthy response to the uncertainty of the times

o Developing calming practices such as meditation, listening to mindfulness and guided breathing apps, listening to calming music and being out in nature.

o Making sure they get lots of sleep

o Focusing on the things they can control –we can’t control what happens in our community or how other people behave in response to it. Parents should decide what their own position is moving forward on wearing of face masks and on measures like hand-washing, making trips to the cinema or theatre and frequenting areas where crowds may congregate, using public transport or socialising with their own or other families, regardless of whether those activities are now permitted.

o Don’t judge others’ positions and don’t accept others’ judgment either. Nobody knows the ‘right’ way to behave and no one’s experience of the post pandemic is exactly the same as another’s. Be wary of social media which can be hugely judgmental.

o Writing down your specific worries about how Covid-19 could affect you or your child, evaluating and challenging those anxious thoughts and dismissing those that are without evidence or are very low risk. For those that remain think of some ways to respond to those events if they should come to pass. If there are no solutions, consider whether worrying about it is helpful –you may have to accept some uncertainty.

o Talking about your worries with someone who cares about them and is not likely to fan your anxieties

My parting advice is

• let’s celebrate the opportunity to reconnect with others.

• let’s celebrate the fact that maybe we have more gratitude for the simplest things in life

• let’s celebrate the fact that the UK has carried out one of the largest most successful vaccination campaigns in history.

And acknowledge that what your children will have learnt over the past 15 months, way exceeds any traditional measure of academic success.

If you feel you would like to set up for success as we come out of lockdown and help your child develop key character traits, join my Harmony at Home Course.