How to Manage Screen Time this Summer
Girls Screen Time
The summer holidays are almost upon and the thought of no nagging about homework, longer days to play in the garden and not being such a slave to the clock, fills us with deep joy. However, the first flush of enthusiasm can quickly die away with the realisation that our children may be spending too long on screens, and we fear they’ll start to develop an addiction to technology.
Often parents struggle to know how to manage it, and then end up on a digital parenting pendulum that swings between trying to eliminate any risk totally and banning them from ever going online, to suddenly realizing that time passes rather quickly when the kids are playing Fortnite and you rather like the peace and quiet!
Parents are confused, thinking technology is evil and often left wondering:
“How much screen time should my children be having?”
“Is there a difference between watching TV or using the PC for homework” and
“How do I control my children’s screen usage?”
However recent research at Oxford University suggested that fundamentally technology is neutral. It’s how we use it that’s the issue.
‘Overall we found that modern use of digital technology is not intrinsically harmful and may have advantages in a connected world, unless digital devices are overused or interfere with schoolwork or after school activities’
I confess I love technology. I see the many benefits in my own private and work life. Gaming and social media platforms have provided life-lines during the COVID pandemic and have always been hugely beneficial for those with social communication difficulties, who would otherwise be socially isolated. There was a news report a few years ago, about a severely disabled boy whose family were astonished at his funeral when gamers from around the world attended. It opened their eyes to how much joy and companionship he’d found online where he could be an able-bodied hero. Gaming plays a valuable function for those who often fall by the wayside in the offline world.
The digital world is a fabulous resource for us all. As adults we use it for research, communication, online shopping, music and other entertainment. Likewise, our children have used it to stay in touch with their friends, share stories and photos and get support for school work, as well as entertainment. Without technology, many children during the pandemic, would have been unable to access education, but like many other aspects of our lives we need to find a balance between URL (online world) and IRL (real life). Human interaction needs to be preserved in a 21st century technology-rich world. The only edge that humans may have on AI soon will be our ability to empathize and to communicate better than robots, so we need to preserve these skills!
If you think about keeping your kids safe around a swimming pool, we can protect them from falling in by putting up fences and setting alarms and using padlocks and banning them from going near, but the most important thing to do is to teach them how to swim.
The same is true for screen safety. The more we nag and shout and blame and criticise and forbid and take away and threaten, the more children will push back and try and regain control. Children do need limits and boundaries and we also need to remember that our goal is to teach them self-control. It’s also not about coercion and control as that can only lead to long-term problems. The answer lies in connection and communication.
In summary, whether we like it or not, screens are a valuable part of our children’s lives, and we need to help them learn to manage it. So here are some top tips this summer, to helping your children find their way through the digital jungle
Think. Begin with the end in mind. What’s the ultimate destination? To encourage children to feel in charge of technology and use it responsibly, as opposed to technology being in charge of them.
Decide. You need to decide WHAT they can access, WHERE they can use their devices, WHEN they can use technology, WITH WHOM they can connect online AND HOW MUCH they should be on it.
· What sites/ apps? Watch out for the parental guidance certificates and if you are not ready for your child to smoke or drink or drive why would we think they are ready to use Dead or Alive which is rated 16? Refer to media sites like www.commonsensemedia.org
· Where? Do keep internet-enabled devices in a common family area where you can monitor them. And have a DROP ZONE where the devices can stay and recharge when they are not being used. We recommend no devices at mealtimes and always out of the bedroom at night. Adults too!
· When can they play or surf or game? This depends on your family schedule, but it’s advised that no screens are accessed during the hour before bedtime as screen-usage interferes with sleep.
· How much time? There is so much conflicting advice, but the American Academy of Pediatricians suggests:
• Under 18 months -no screen time
• 18-months to 5-years - one hour a day
• 6 -years to18-years, the Academy has passed the baton to parents to decide, asking them to take a more nuanced approach and keep check of what their child does on a tablet, computer, TV or other digital device, rather than counting minutes. Since the pandemic I would agree that managing screens is not so much about quantity, but more about quality, and asking yourself the question, if they’re on a screen, what are they missing out on? What needs to happen first?
3. Involve. Include the children rather than imposing the rules from on high! Including them shows you are interested in their views; it is respectful to seek their opinion. It works best with children over 8 if you outline what your values are and acknowledge what they would like at the outset. Then ask how you can accommodate both sets of needs. They will probably have some good ideas. They won’t like all the rules – empathise with that and reiterate why you need to have them.
4. Write it down. I invite you to organise a family meeting and download my Free Family Technology Contract | The Parent Practice, and discuss it as a family. By doing this you will have a very clear set of rules, and by having them codified and signed off in a contract, both children and parents are saying they respect the rules. It also depersonalises things, with both sides needing to respect and abide by it.
Don’t rush this process and by getting clarity on what your values and rules are, you set up your children for success, and help them develop good digital habits. This is too important a topic, to just hope for the best.
5. Keep it positive. Don’t have negatively-phrased rules such as:
“no mobiles upstairs” or “no gaming after 7pm”
but rather
“mobiles are used downstairs”
and “you can game after homework and before 7pm.”
6. Follow through. Often, we start by thinking of what we should do when they mess up! But really, we should be deciding what to do when they get it right. Adults rarely notice when children get things right. Do comment when they follow the screen rules. The positive consequence of following the rules, is earning the right to use screens again the next day.
7. Model good habits. Be aware that if your own phone is surgically attached to your hip 24/7 and you are making calls at the dinner table, and taking your phone to bed, it can be hard for the children to accept your rules and values. Values are caught not taught, and 80% of parenting is the modelling you do. Children See Children Do.
Download you Family Technology Contract here Free Family Technology Contract | The Parent Practice, and start your summer with screen time clarity.