How has the Olympic Games impacted your parenting?
The Olympic games may be over, but we still have the Paralympics to look forward to at the end of the month, and I defy anyone, sporting fan or not, not to have been enthralled by the recent games, where we witnessed a huge range of incredible human traits.
British swimmer Adam Peaty showed vulnerability and honesty, by being open about his battles with depression and alcoholism
Berkshire shooter Amber Rutter nearly gave up the sport, having just had a baby prior to the games, and with focus and determination and belief went on to win a silver in Paris.
British athlete Keely Hodgkinson had been after an Olympic gold for years. After taking home the silver medal at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics at just 19 years old, she was tenacious and determined never to give up her one goal of a Gold Medal in Paris.
Andy Macdonald, aged 51 years, who became the oldest-ever Olympic skateboarder in Paris and also Britain's first male competitor in the sport following a truly pioneering career spanning some four decades!
It was some of the best and most entertaining games I’ve ever seen. Who knew trampolining was an Olympic sport, and MacDonald’s performance on the skateboard was a masterpiece in having the right mindset to compete at the highest level and keep going. I was amused to learn that two 16-year-olds who were also competing against him in the Skateboarding even, were younger than one of his children!
It’s clear all these athletes exhibit qualities and traits, I am certain most parents would want to see in their children. They exude growth mindset traits of
Embracing challenges. Amber Rutter’s new born was only 3 months old!
Persisting in the face of setbacks. Andy MacDonald, with his chance of qualifying for the Games ‘slim to none’ in his own words, defied belief and scraped through qualifying stage.
Seeing effort as the path to mastery, as Keely Hodgkinson’s Gold medal was the culmination of years of hard graft, as she made her long-awaited step up to the top of the podium after four straight silvers on athletics’ biggest stages.
Overcoming fear, as evidenced by Adam Peaty, who wasn’t always a natural in the water. In fact, after his older brothers told him that sharks could come into the bath through the plughole, Peaty had an intense phobia of water!
Everyone of these athletes has had a significant person in their lives, whether it be their parents or a coach, who has helped them maximise their opportunity, nurtured their talent and given them mental resilience to persevere. But parents need to support their children in a way that enables them to use their voice and be independent in thought.
“My communication with my mom was always awesome. I’m a very vocal person and I speak what I feel. No matter what it was, she’d say ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ She’d let me make up my own mind.”
Michael Phelps. American Swimmer
And yet there are other character traits that few are talking about, that clearly gave these athletes an edge on their competitors:
Emotional Self Regulation and
Good sportsmanship
Emotional regulation is the ability to stay calm, rational and composed, and this can be a tough ask, especially if certain emotions like fear or anger are aroused, as that can draw energy away from the thinking brain. Many athletes talk about staying in the present, to help them avoid being overwhelmed or consumed by the significance of their event or distracted by the disappointment of past failures and the pressure of high medal expectations, but it’s also about having a good emotional awareness, and being able to recognise, respect and knowing how to respond to the emotional roller coaster.
In addition, anyone who partakes in sport at a competitive level, knows how important it is to be a good sport. I play competitive golf at a club level, amateur, all designed to be friendly and fun – and yet I have experienced a few too many occasions where my opponent has displayed gamesmanship that shows their true colours. A determination to win at any cost, and in doing so, only one thing happens. They devalue themselves in the process by perhaps cheating or lying.
So, what can you do as a parent to train your child into good habits when playing games or sport and to teach your child to:
follow rules and instructions
use self-control
handle their feelings
consider other people’s feelings
look for solutions, develop strategies for dealing with problems
These are hard skills to master, especially for children, and we all know adults who have yet to master them!
Sport or even playing board games is an ideal forum to practice these skills, not to mention the opportunities for positive time with your children, which contributes to a positive relationship with them, improves their motivation to please and increases their self-esteem.
So here are my top tips for helping your children develop a healthy mindset when playing games or sport:
1. Before the game starts ask your child what the rules are/ what they must do in detail.
2. Ask them what feelings they might have if they win or if they lose.
3. What might they feel like doing when they win/lose? What behaviour is required if they win or if they lose?
4. Empathise that they might prefer to skip this conversation and get on with the game.
5. During the game descriptively praise the behaviour you want to encourage – choose from: self-control, taking turns, stopping when a physical game gets too rough, not hurting physically or verbally, not complaining or storming off, kindness, consideration, tolerance especially re younger siblings, helpfulness, following instructions/rules and anything else that occurs to you.
6. Conspicuously model the desired behaviour (i.e. talk about what you’re doing) e.g. “Oh no I’ve picked up a bad card but I’m not going to make a fuss and I’m going to carry on playing the game. Maybe I’ll get good cards next time.” Or “Oops that wasn’t a good shot. I’m going to practice my goal shooting so I’ll get better at it.”
7. Acknowledge that it’s hard when the game isn’t going your child’s way or he’s not playing skilfully. (e.g. can’t get the ball in the basketball hoop). “It can be hard to keep going when it doesn’t come easily at first. It takes self discipline.” Acknowledge that your child wants to win, that it feels necessary to win in order to feel good about himself.
So whether it be on the sports field, or playing a board game, the core Parent Practice skills of descriptive praise and emotion coaching are key players in helping your child manage the emotions and become that fair friendly competitor who develops a healthy game playing mindset.
Interested in developing these skills? My Parenting Toolkit programme ( a self study course) gives you the secret formula to positive, firm and consistent parenting. It could just be the best investment you make for your family this year.