Helping the highly sensitive child thrive

Highly sensitive boy

We live in a society where we expect children and adults to conform. We are quick to judge those who are different, and if our children behave inappropriately we often believe this behaviour is a reflection on our parenting, and that any criticism is directed at us. My own son presented very differently and was deemed by many, including ourselves, to be just out of sync with typical children. His behaviour was really button pushing for us and also bewildering. He had sensory integration dysfunction, but it took us a long time to work this out.

·       At playgroups, other children would love getting stuck into messy play , but Sam would avoid these activities and wander off to do something else. If he did eventually get into the sand pit, it would be to throw sand at another child or push them over if they got too close to him.

·        At meal times he hated his food touching and the chips and ketchup could not be too close and potatoes and peas needed to be kept apart  -which was no mean feat with the peas rolling around the plate!

·       Washing hair and nail cutting turned quickly into blood-curdling screams and neighbours could be forgiven for thinking we were sticking hot needles into his eyes!

·       He refused to wear a coat, hat or gloves, electing instead to wear shorts in Arctic conditions

·       Getting dressed in the morning was a military operation that always resulted in my screaming like a banshee as he protested that the seam of his socks were not sitting right and that the top was itchy, despite the label being cut out

·       He would only go to bed if he could cuddle his muslin cloths ( muzzies) and heaven help us if I had washed them that day and the smell was different

Around Bonfire night for example, we need to be aware and sympathetic to those children who have sensory integration issues. Their responses arise from the brain’s inability to process sensory information –smell , touch, sound, taste etc. Some of this information gets ‘stuck’ and parts of the brain don’t get the information they need to organise these stimuli into meaningful messages. This is known as sensory integration disorder and can also present as anxiety.

So if you have a highly sensitive child you need to be aware of stimulation levels and do what you can to limit stimuli and set up for success, so you child can feel successful. Talk about what to expect before you enter a situation that could be overwhelming. Some key areas that can often be problematic are 

1.     Mornings – getting dressed in the mornings can seem like a battle of the wills ranging from your child complaining to an outright refusal to get dressed. Select comfy clothing together the night before so your child won’t wake up worrying about what he might ‘have’ to wear the next day. Cut all labels out of clothes so they are not scratchy and buy seam free socks. When getting new school shoes do break them in ahead of time around the house before the new term starts.

 2.     Social situations, such as birthday parties, family get-togethers or the fireworks night can be overstimulating. If your child is sensitive to being touched, hugged or kissed, at family gatherings do prepare grandparents and aunts and uncles, and ask them to high five or fist bump instead and practice this with your child. At noisy events give your child noise-cancelling headphones. Prepare ahead for birthday parties by having a chat through about what to expect, role play possible greetings with the host and always agree a code word or phrase they can use if they need help or to get out of a situation that’s becoming stressful.

 3.    Eating out – a noisy bustling restaurant for many extroverts can be fun and energising but for a highly sensory child can be like an assault on the senses! They may complain about the strong smell of parmesan cheese,, that the sauce needs to be separate from the spaghetti, that the fruit is slimy and their drink is too cold with all the ice, not to mention the noise of a busy restaurant. Be aware of their preferences and plan ahead as opposed to insisting on something they may not be able to control yet.

 4.    Playgrounds – some highly sensory children hate the feeling of their body moving fast through space on a swing , while others just ask to go higher and higher and faster and faster. Be aware that at theme parks, your child may not want to go on the roller coaster ride, the waltzers, or spinning teacups.-Don’t force them and encourage him to speak up ahead of time about situations that cause them to worry.

If you are concerned that your child may have sensory integration dysfunction issues, do speak to your GP or consult with a specialist Occupational Therapist, who specialises in sensory issues. Remember your child may not be being a problem but having a problem, and our role as parents is to be empathetic to that. These children will need lots of emotion coaching to help them put words to their confusing feelings and sensory overwhelm and over time they will be able to articulate with words, instead of acting out in frustration. Accommodating your child’s needs is not pandering to their whims but providing the right environment in which they can flourish.

To learn more on how to unlock your children’s potential and maximising their strengths and understand your child and their needs, do take a look at our Is your Child Difficult or Different? Webinar.