Does your childcare work for your family?
Mummy reading girl a book
How many times have your felt you’ve found the perfect childcare solution for your family, only to find their approach to discipline is very different from yours? I have many clients who end up either putting their nanny on the Harmony at Home course, or giving them the 30 day positive parenting course, as they realise it’s the definition of insanity if everyone isn’t singing off the same hymn sheet. This is a guest blog post from the lovely Lara, Director at Peaceful Learning, who operates a nanny agency based in London and who provides worldwide placements. In this blog she gives her three top tips on how to get a collaborative, team environment to support your child’s well-being.
It’s a huge undertaking to find someone who will nurture and care for your precious children. It can be especially difficult to know where to start when you’re seeking someone who takes care of your children the way that you would do it! Here are some tips and techniques on how to navigate these challenging situations and what alternative options there could be out there.
Whoever is caring for your little one whether it be a childminder, day care, grandma, auntie or nanny, should be a collaborator with you in bringing the best out of your children. Meaning they are just as dedicated to nurturing your child’s development, as you are.
It’s important to nurture all aspects of a child’s mental, emotional, social and physical well-being and this is achieved through building secure and responsive relationships with children and enabling them to be active participants in their learning, by supporting child-led play where they can follow their own interests and curiosities. Research has shown that by fostering holistic development in this way, especially social and emotional wellbeing, children are able to develop resilience, a strong sense of self-worth and a view of themselves as capable, competent and curious learners. I have used this method with children for almost 15 years and see the results with their happiness and confidence levels. However, well-intentioned caregivers can sometimes have a very different perception, so here are three top techniques to getting them on board and creating that collaborative, team relationship.
1. Start by explaining to whoever is helping you what you DO want, especially if they are doing something that you don’t like. Rather than saying ‘I don’t want you to do that,’ say ‘I’d really appreciate it if you did this….’ and explain why. By doing this, you could even be helping your mother-in-law, well-meaning friend or caregiver to learn more about better ways of being with children!
2. If you’re feeling emotional in a particular moment when you see them interact with your child in a way that is not conducive to promoting their well-being, then breathe, take a moment to centre yourself, perhaps go for a walk or journal about it. If it's really got you going, perhaps sleep on it until you’re feeling less emotional and then have a conversation about it when you have a clear head. It's very important to have these conversations when you are calm, as your communication could be interpreted as passive aggressive if those emotions are still floating around.
3. Role model! Show, not tell. Model how you want them to interact and show the results of those interactions on your child’s behaviour. Comment on it at a later date, especially if they’re having problems with getting your child to cooperate or communicate. Say , ‘Remember last week when he was doing the same thing? I got down to his level and spoke calmly, giving him space to express his feelings about not getting what he wanted and then when he was done, we hugged and we all moved on? I have noticed that when I threaten him with having something taken away if he doesn’t behave that it doesn’t really help, in fact, for me, it makes things worse!’
There are many alternative childcare arrangements, from daycare, childminders, nannies and nanny shares. When you begin your search, it’s important to give yourself time to find the right fit. If it's a day care or a childminder, it’s wise to sit in and observe for a few hours to give you an idea if it's right for you. If you’re looking for a nanny or nanny share, meet them in person and then discuss a trial period before committing longer term. This way you have the opportunity to ensure that your parenting approach aligns.
Before trialling new daycare arrangements, get some questions prepared.
• What the environment would look like?
• What would meal times look like?
• What do they think about using the word ‘naughty’ to describe a child or their behaviour?
• What’s the balance between allowing your child to explore and learn freely versus adult-led activities?
• What training do they have?
• Do they believe in time outs or time ins? ( this gives you a good feel for how positive their discipline is)
If, after the meeting or trial period you don’t feel sure, it is important to ask yourself why. Are you anxious about letting go or is there something that just doesn’t feel right about the fit? I’ve found that my biggest asset is my instinct when interviewing nannies, because it tells me so much about a situation that I may not be aware of consciously. There are many amazing nannies, childminders and day care centres out there so I recommend you trust your heart and if it doesn’t feel right, move on!
I hope this guide helps you on your journey to create a conscious, collaborative team to raise your children
Love and Light
Lara
Director at Peaceful Learning Nanny Agency
If you feel you would like to learning about the power of descriptive praise, emotion coaching, rules and rewards and positive discipline and help you to emerge as a more empowered parent with positive parenting strategies under your belt to impact behaviour and make for a happy harmonious home. join my Harmony at Home Course.