Money Mindfulness
Girl with her piggy bank
Money Mindfulness - the ticking time bomb of not teaching children the value of money
According to new research from the 2019 CHILDWISE Monitor, fewer children are paid regular pocket money by their parents , with parents opting instead to make ad hoc handout payments when their kids need or want items.
And when I compare this to the UNICEF children’s report in 2011, who then reported “Most children agreed that family time was more important to them than consumer goods, yet we observed within UK homes a compulsion on the part of some parents to continually buy new things for their children and themselves”, I realise that a decade on, we’re still struggling to teach our children the value of money.
So many parents I coach complain they are sick and tired of kids asking for things; “why don’t they value what they have”? “Why are they always asking for more?”
Pester power is symptomatic of our world where instant material gratification is the norm. Are our children spoilt or is this a popular myth? Many parents are unclear about how to cope with the bombardment of advertising messages and children’s demands for more. It’s hard to be clear and firm and consistent with kids and to not succumb to pester power. It can be so difficult to say NO when faced with your children telling you "you're the best mum in the world. I love you so much - thanks for buying me that game."
Managing money is a life skill and needs to be taught both at home and at school. We give our kids swimming lessons in order to keep them safe in water; we don't throw them in the deep end and expect them to swim. And the same principle needs to be applied to ensuring they are safe with money and know how to budget and how to be canny consumers and savvy savers, if they are going to cope in adult life.
There is no finance management in the secondary school curriculum as yet, so we as parents have a responsibility to ensure we make our children safe with money. Some discomfort may lie in realising that we sometimes do some poor modelling and send mixed messages. We give in too quickly, we don’t want to be seen to be the mean mummy or daddy when ‘everyone else’ else in the class has an iPhone, or perhaps we suffer from working parent guilt and don’t want to be saying NO when time with the children is so precious.
My own daughter was at boarding school and when she first started she reported back monthly saying she was really proud of herself for managing her allowance so well. Indeed she was 8p underspent one month and I had to smile to myself with the thought that my then 14 year old had taken on my values of budgeting and looking after the pennies!
There is a real sickness in society when social media channels such as ‘Rich Kids of the Internet’ attracts a following of almost 400k followers and posts photos of youngsters using £20 notes as toilet paper and boasting about flying in first class cabins. Parents play a huge part in the values their children will adopt. I recall some years ago David Beckham’s son Brooklyn, when he was a teen, wanting a new pair of trainers and David was reported to have said ‘You know, if you want something, then go and work and you’ve got your own money. So, much to his dismay, we packed him off to the French café and he worked there every Saturday and Sunday for a few hours and earned his own pocket money.”
I couldn’t agree more, and my own children worked summer jobs and Sunday jobs from the age of sixteen, from parking cars during Wimbledon Fortnight, to serving teas and coffees at the local common Windmill café, to driving the tractor at the golf range picking up golf balls. Long hours, inclement weather, and learning how to deal with the public is invaluable experience. Beyond earning money, my children also learnt responsibility and respect, not to mention the incredible learning experience of dealing with the public!
If you take time out this summer to teach your children about money management, I guarantee you will help them for the rest of their lives. Children who are encouraged to talk about money tend to do better with money when they grow up.
Start by thinking about your own values around money. Think about how you set up for success, and if you’re planning a family outing to a museum or theme park, always be prepared for the shop! Discuss ahead of time with your children what the rules are re buying things and help manage their expectations ahead of time. It can help to give them a little note book and get them to write down all the things they see that they would like and create a fantasy wish list. That way we validate their feelings yet stay firm to our values. In the wise words of Dr Phil McGraw, psychologist and author,
Your child does not have to love you every minute of every day. He'll get over the disappointment of having been told "no." But he won't get over the effects of being spoiled.”
Here are my top tips on how to get your child money-mindful
Primary school age:
Start giving your children small amounts of pocket money whilst at primary school. This sends a very powerful message that you trust them and feel they can be responsible with managing money. Allow them to choose how to spend the money instead of buying them treats on a whim. The sooner kids are familiar with coins and notes, they quicker they begin to appreciate the value of money, and this can be hugely important in later life. Research shows a child’s money habits have largely formed by the age of seven, so children are understanding the concept of money much earlier that we may like.
Set up 3 jars: saving, spending and sharing – you may decide what proportion goes into each one or leave that up to your child. Having your children wait and save teaches delayed gratification. If they’re saving in a bank account they may even earn interest and learn about compounding, though I appreciate currently interest rates are at an unprecedented low.
Teach consideration and gratitude. In the lockdown I appreciate it’s hard to donate toys to a local hospital, or give to the old folks’ homes in the form of a baked cake etc so maybe collecting all the rubbish and overflowing bins laden with coffee cups and takeaway containers, would be a very useful exercise.
Tweens and teens
Give older children an allowance and start by getting them to pay for their own guilty pleasure expenses such as going out, cinema tickets and non essential items. You can then start adding in other expenses, such as travel, clothes and toiletries, but don’t add them all in at once, gradually introduce an expense and up their allowance accordingly. Also have them monitor and be responsible for their mobile phone usage.
The allowance is a given. Don’t have them earning their allowance for doing household chores, as contributing towards the running of the household is part and parcel of being part of Family Team X and they need to get into good habits and behaviours without being rewarded with money.
Once the allowance has gone, they may have to wait for the next payment, so it teaches them all about delayed gratification, and how to budget.
Do talk to your children about the powerful consumer messages the media world employ to entice you to buy goods. Discuss with older children the role of advertising and the manipulation involved. Most kids don’t like the idea of being conned by the conglomerates.
Encourage them to think about ways to earn money - as an online tutor or offering lawn mowing services, or once over the pandemic -cleaning wheelie bins! Everyone needs their bins cleaning. Now is the time to think creatively and start planning. Any opportunity that enables them to see that we have to work hard to get what we have, is a valuable life lesson.
Set up a junior bank account with bank card so they learn early on how to manage money online. GO HENRY is great, as it offers a pre-paid card and app with unique parental controls.
I hear many stories of young adults leaving home and not being able to budget well at University/ further education as their parents have never considered the importance of teaching money management. One off handouts set a dangerous precedent and can create bad money habits. The impact in adult life can be far reaching, so set up for success and teach your children how to be safe with money now.
Let me know how you’re teaching your children to be canny consumers and savvy savers.
To learn more about how to ensure your children are confident and contented, take a look at our 30 DAYS TO POSITIVE PARENTING course -achievable yet effective, this course is for busy parents who want to change their parenting style with bitesize exercises that are simple yet impactful.