The Happiness Habit

Happy family with their socks

As a parenting facilitator I meet and work with hundreds of parents every week and when I ask them what qualities or characteristics would they like to see in their children as adults, without fail, someone replies “I want my child to be happy.” But therein lies a dilemma. It’s easy to get confused about our role as parents. If we believe it’s our role to make our children happy, we can do that immediately with instant gratification by buying them the latest gizmo or gadget. I can make my children happy today by buying them the latest i-phone 12 and I’ll receive the irresistible reaction of “You’re the best mummy in the world. I love you so much.”

We live in a society where childhood is scripted from an early age. We put our child’s name down for a nursery or school before birth. We start to believe that if our children are to be successful and happy long term they need to get into the right school, achieve good grades, pass exams, get into the best university and obtain key qualifications. But of course you can have all of that and still not be happy because happiness is a by-product of strong emotional wellbeing.

It’s too easy to confuse being happy as a quality or characteristic or state of being, but essentially happiness is a habit that needs to be developed over time and the key influencers of whether a child develops this habit are us, the parents.

Here are 7 secrets to helping your child develop the happiness habit

• Help your child find joy in everyday things

What are the things that bring you joy? Is it the smell and feel of fresh linen on your bed or the froth on your cappuccino? Children learn from us what’s important in life so spending time looking at a ladybird or going to the library to get a new story book can be a joyful event depending on our reaction.

• Have fun

Although my children are now young adults, throughout their childhood I cultivated an atmosphere of fun and laughter and at times doing really silly things. So whether it was donning a wet suit and pier diving in the icy North Sea waters off the East coast of Scotland or undertaking the Rickshaw run (not for the faint hearted) with my kids in 2017, where we drove 4,000 km across India in the equivalent of a 7 horse power lawn mower, no matter what age we can all have fun and laughter.

• Foster strong friendships

Friendships can be lovely - affirming, supportive and nurturing. Good friends can bring a child out of themselves and challenge them to try things they wouldn’t on their own – climb a tree, try tricks on a skateboard, join a choir or Brownies. Happier people have more people in their lives, so ensure your children see you making friends and being a good friend to others. I know this is a challenge due to COVID restrictions, but make the most of meeting up outside and having fresh air and fun.

• Don’t spoil your child

There can be an almost irresistible urge to buy things for our children in order to make them happy, but we all know instant material gratification is always short lived and ends up with our children being dissatisfied and wanting more! You need to counteract the constant media message that we need more things in order to satisfy ourselves.

• Spend more time in nature

There is no substitute for fresh air and fun. Studies show sunshine, fresh air and physical activity all encourage good moods and reduce tendencies toward depression. It’s good for mental health and good for the soul.

• Get a family pet

Caring for a pet really is a childhood rite of passage. There is much joy and pleasure in caring for another living thing as well as learning responsibility. The life long memories formed are rich as a pet becomes an integral part of the family. Pets give unconditional love and I witnessed first-hand the joy my old therapy dog Bonnie brought to children at the autistic kids’ home. The joy and happiness a pet can bring is incomparable to anything else and I will always recall the squeals of delight when my daughter was present at the birth of Bonnie’s eight puppies.

• Teach your children gratitude

Teaching your children gratitude is a very simple way to increase the happiness quotient. A good practice to develop is to talk to your kids at bedtime before the lights go out to encourage them to tell you at least three things they’re grateful for. You can also share with them your gratitudes and if you can write them down and capture in indelible ink, even better! It forms a permanent record and re-reading the gratitude journal can help change the mood to a more positive one.

So what can you do this week to help your child find joy in everyday things? Developing this habit is more important than ever before as life is so unpredictable at the moment. Drop me a line at elaine@theparentpractice.com and let me know how you can find joy in your lives.

To learn more about how to ensure your children are confident and contented, take a look at our 30 DAYS TO POSITIVE PARENTING course -achievable yet effective, this course is for busy parents who want to change their parenting style with bitesize exercises that are simple yet impactful.